This week, I am pleased to present a guest post from Annie Bettis of Wayward Traveller. I am proud to say I have actually had the opportunity to meet Annie while here in Florence. Aside from being an incredibly nice person, Annie is also extremely insightful about Italian life, living with Italians, and making the leap for travel experiences. She has spent the last 6 months living in Florence and recently launched her new travel blog, Wayward Traveller. I love Annie’s tagline, “Until I’ve seen it all”. Follow Annie on Twitter while giving this new travel writer a read and learn about life in Italy and beyond.
As I type this, I hear the familiar bickering of the elderly couple that lives above us. I am reminded, again, of my place here. It’s now been six months since I have arrived in Italy. I’ve spent half of my 23rd year here, but I still can’t call myself a local.
The couple’s bickering is all too familiar, but the words; the words still don’t register in my brains vocabulary. I wonder what is going on in the heads of Lorenzo’s friends, when once a week they see me and I smile and stare blankly into the unknown. I have a undying fear that they will forever think I am just some American droid sent to slowly take over the mind of their beloved friend.
My expat friends keep reassuring me that it’s only a matter of time until I can understand the conversations. How do you break a year of silence? I imagine making some vulgar man-joke only to see his conservative Italian friends stare at me in horror and confusion. Hopefully, it would all end in a laugh. I know they are understanding that I haven’t have the same eight years of language study they have, however, I think that my personality is quite enjoyable and I would like them to be able to see what Lorenzo sees in me. I can assure you it doesn’t have to do with how pretty I look when I stare into space or make squinty faces trying to read people lips.
Every day is different. Some days I go to the supermarket or some new vendor and make some humorous and successful communication with a local and I think I have finally found my place in this little city center suburb. Then it is all shattered as minutes later a lost Italian asks me about the bus system and I stare blankly. I have learned to say “Comé?” instead of “Scusa?” when I don’t understand, as that conveys that you simply didn’t hear the demand but I suppose the deer-in-headlights look gives me away just a bit too much.
The City Center is the worst, even if I try, and I almost always do, my Italian is met with a huffy English response. I would avoid the Center all-together to avoid this reaction but then I remember, I still need these clear responses to get myself around.
I have considered learning just enough German to say “I only speak German” to the street vendors so they will stop cat-calling me and shouting “Excuse me, Miss California?” but then I will inevitably be called out in some German slang and have to fess up.
I guess, after six months of living and three months of Italian courses, I have to admit. I am still lost in the abyss that exists somewhere between tourism and local life. Maybe at the end of my year, I’ll heave a sigh of relief as I can finally join the Italian small-talk, then I’ll be hoisted out on an expired visa and on to the next travelers battle.
I love this piece Annie! It’s so beautifully written and really gave me an insight into how difficult it must be having a relationship in a foreign speaking land. I’m glad you have Suzy nearby now.
Annie I can so sympathise with your situation. I fell in love with a Swedish guy and moved to Sweden and this period of sitting silently in the background of you significant other’s friends parties not saying or understanding a word is just awful. It is one of the worst feelings in the world and also one that you cannot possibly understand unless you have been in it. The only thing I can liken it too is going to a party where you don’t know a single person and feeling too shy to talk to anyone. But even then you could still eavesdrop on someone else’s conversation and not be so bored and lonely.
I too felt frustrated that I had all this personality to give that Jesper fell in love with that these people just didn’t see. It does get better. One day the words will start to make sense and you can follow conversations. I must admit I haven’t done so well on the learning Swedish front… I understand what people say now but if they talk directly to me I tend to panic and forget everything. But Sweden is different… people will switch to English if they see you struggling at all (not at parties though!) so you are not really forced to learn. Many expats in Sweden have this problem. It is really frustrating when I go to order an ice cream (which I certainly can do in pretty much perfect Swedish though I have an accent) and the shop assistant switches to English even while I am resolutely speaking Swedish at them. I hear it is easier in places where not as many people speak English fluently. You will get there! Does Lorenzo speak Italian with you? I hear that is the easiest way to learn but my boy feels weird speaking Swedish with me so we don’t do it often.
Good luck! Things will get easier, they really will. It is super hard at the start. And thanks for sharing your feelings. I’m off to tell my boyf that we’re only going to speak Swedish today 🙂
Caz, as always thank you for your kind words and support! It is nice to have English-speaking friends around but as they all say they don’t speak Italian (Suzy does) and then have a conversation with someone I get so setback. Here I am thinking I’m not alone then all the sudden I see them communicating in a way that I struggle to do! I know it will get better but I have to stay strong and keep forcing myself to study and really listen to how the language is spoken instead of how it’s taught. Hopefully it will help me learn other languages easier as I go along and keep me in contact with the people I have met here!
Verity, thank you so much for your response!! It’s so great to hear that I’m not alone. My expat friends have similar stories here in Italy but it’s hard to relate when now they speak Italian on a fluency level that allows them to communicate with almost anyone. They keep telling me it takes about a year and it will get better, but it’s hard to wait for that. I watch moments with Lorenzo’s friends pass me by and wonder what it will be like when we go on and travel more, I don’t want to lose what I have worked for.
Honestly, word for word of your comment I can relate to. Even here a lot of people speak in English to me when I try to speak Italian. Lorenzo doesn’t really speak Italian to me, only sometimes to practice but I think it’s so much easier for us both just to speak English. It’s also how we know each other since we met when he was in Australia learning English.
I know it will get better and as we move around I will just have to be more disciplined because in order to keep in touch with his friends and family while we travel I’ll have to speak Italian!
It’s always so great to hear from someone who can relate. I wish you the best as you continue in Sweden!